A narcissist doesn’t truly want to raise children—they want to be seen as a good parent. It’s never about the endless, exhausting, often thankless work of parenting; it’s about the image they can project to the world. From a distance, they want applause, admiration, and recognition for being “devoted” or “selfless,” but up close, the reality is entirely different. The moment a camera appears, whether for social media, family gatherings, or even casual bragging to friends, they suddenly transform into the “perfect parent.” They smile, pose, and take credit for moments they barely participated in, creating a carefully curated illusion of love, care, and competence.

But the moment the lens is gone, so is their effort. Real parenting—the sleepless nights, the scraped knees, the tantrums, the emotional labor, the patience that runs thin—is nowhere to be found. They disappear when you need them most, leaving the child to navigate life’s challenges without the guidance, consistency, and emotional presence a parent should provide. Their public face tells a story of love and devotion, but their private behavior tells a story of absence, selfishness, and neglect.

Over time, children begin to sense the gap between image and reality, between words and actions. They learn that the affection displayed in public is performative, not genuine. The narcissist’s goal isn’t to nurture, protect, or guide—they only want admiration, validation, and the appearance of moral superiority. And the heartbreaking truth is this: the children suffer quietly in the shadows of a parent more concerned with reputation than real connection, forced to grow up navigating a world where love is conditional, fleeting, and always performative.